January 8th, 2011
|08:55 am - To Return to Oz, we've fled the world...|
I'm pretty sure I make an attempt to do this every year and mostly fail at it every year, but, as in the past, I'm vowing to myself that this year is different. And it is different, in many ways, right down to the fact that I'm really going to make the effort to get serious about my writing, because my slack on it is getting pretty ridiculous.
I even went as far as to make an "official" writer's blog, lsenger.com. To those remaining out there in LJ Land, please watch it, read it, maybe promote it, so I don't wind up just talking to thin air. Not that I'd mind, but people to bounce off of is much better.
So hello out there again, and I hope you're all still there because I miss a lot of people and hopefully I can reconnect again during this year and the years to come.
February 1st, 2010
|07:44 am - In Memorandum.|
In the past week, I've been going back and forth, debating this post, its contents, and whether or not I was ready to actually sit and post it, but I think I may be.
Almost week ago today, on January 26, 2010 at approximately 10:30 pm, Brian Cooper, my fiance, cruormagus, passed away.
It was due to an e.coli infection contracted just five days after his second chemotherapy session. His immune system and cell counts were likely low due to the treatment, thus leaving him even more susceptible to infections.
He was 27 years old, my best friend in the entire world, and the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We had a house, a small family with our two cats, and plans to embark into graduate school together, so we could both be Very Important Doctors, even if not the medical kind. He thought Howard's Conan the Barbarian was the epitome of manliness and seemed to show an absolutely endless patience for dealing with my own personal neuroses and less appealing personality quirks. He was an incredibly brave individual; despite the more than half a dozen severe medical maladies he overcame through his short life, he almost never felt sorry for himself. He had always striven to overcome his physical shortcoming, never faltering in being hardworking, caring, considerate, and responsible.
I've thought a million times as to how I was going to write this post, and, of course, the results come no where near to what I had anticipated. All I know is that, though there is a huge Brian-shaped void in my life now that no one else will ever fill, I am extremely blessed to have known him and to have been with him, even if the time was brief. I've gained another family through his parents, brother, cousins, and aunts and uncles, and I'm lucky to have them all here for me now. That doesn't take all the pain away by any measure, but it helps.
I know I'm never going to stop missing him, but ahead of me is a strange, unmapped road. Brian wouldn't have shied away from taking it. He would have pulled up his bootstraps and forged ahead. I hope that I can do the same.
I've kind of drifted away from my friends here on the sphere of teh Interwebz; it was a tough decision, but one I felt was needed for the dramatic change that occurred in my life. Another dramatic change has left me feeling isolated. My whole life has to go through yet another change, and I don't know how it will end up for me. But I miss you all terribly right now, and know that I'll have support and be in everyone's thoughts, so thank you. Thank you so much. Some of you have met Brian, knew him a little better than those of you who never have. I'm devastated that those of you who didn't will never get the chance. Hopefully, though, enough of him will live on through me that you'll still feel you got to know him, even if only a little.
January 21st, 2010
|07:22 am - Well, it's no Choco-Riffic Drink...|
So, I get a few random newsletters in my inbox now because I need something to fill up the dull hours of my job every so often. I get one for moms because of some work I've done with a local mom's magazine, and there was an interesting little blurb about chocolate milk and how they're thinking of pulling chocolate milk from cafeterias.
And I think this is very silly.
Also, I have this icon, and so that is the main reason I am commenting on this event. But really? No more chocolate milk?
Just...silly. Kind of sad. Chocolate milk was always worth the extra ten cents or whatever, way back when.
Maybe if it danced.
January 20th, 2010
|08:05 am - Rub it for good luck.|
The great mystery is solved. With no hair, Brian now exudes a decidedly Lex Luthor vibe.
Thus, this icon is obligatory.
If When he steals his cakes, I hope they are chocolate and have berries. Mmmm. We'll have as many as four tens.
January 14th, 2010
I got entrenched in HR nightmare drama at work, I might lose my job, and my fiance has cancer.
Fuck, I'm depressed.
January 11th, 2010
|05:43 am - A question, if you will...|
Because I just can't get the work mojo going today, I propose a random discussion point:
What song has your ear at the moment or lately?
For me, it's been Paramore's The Only Exception, but probably because I've been too lazy to take that CD out of the car lately.
January 1st, 2010
|08:59 am - Books. They are awesome.|
So, it's bright and early on a new year, and I intend to do something like this ever year. I did something similar last year, too. Here's all the books I read in 2009. Keeping track of them all started because of a lack of space to shelve them all; so I find a place to put all the ones I've read in one spot, and, conveniently, that means they're all there for the end of the year.
So, books I've read in 2009 and a few thoughts on some of them. And, in the tradition of memes like these, I've set up a system. Bold is for books I really, really enjoyed more than the average book, italics is for books I've read prior to this year as well, and
strikeout is for books I actually really did not like. At first, I felt the strikeout would be cruel, but, really, if you're a book and I didn't like you, you deserve it.
They're in no particular order; just the order in which I pull them from the "Read!" shelf downstairs.
( Not nearly as many as I would have liked to have claimedCollapse )
It was a good year for Pratchett (om nom nom Discworld), I noticed, and a good year for getting all those books I should have read at some point or another finally read (Austen, Tolkein, Scott, Kerouac, Alcott, Nietzsche, Lawrence...). It was not a good year for unyielding, overly long "epics." I have nothing against long books; I love long books...if they're done well. The two strikeouts on the list were overly long books that would have been infinitely better with some mega shortening and editing. Edgar Sawtelle was disappointing; it had a lot of potential in the premise and my previous adventures in Oprah Books (The Poisonwood Bible and Middlesex) are two of my favourite books ever. But this one was just too much. Too dragging, too much dogs and nature, and not enough of the meat of the Americanized Hamlet I was promised. For me, Edgar Sawtelle was this years The Historian. At least they look good on a shelf... Noble House....well....it's Clavell. Sitting through Shogun is bearable and I loved King Rat, which is one of his earliest ones, but Noble House was just too much of the same crap over and over.
Quite a few books I really enjoyed, and quite a few rereads, too. I'm astonished by how much more I get out of The Giver now, and The Handmaid's Tale still stands as one of my favourites, although I still feel unsatisfied with the ending. I firmly uphold, as well, that Spofford > Poe any day of the week, and Stephen King is best when writing non-fiction. Lamb shot straight to the top of my favourites list, too: I laughed at least once per page with that book. It's genius, pure genius, the end. And I'm just astonished at how well a guy who looks like Moore can write a teenaged MySpace girl in You Suck. Stephanie Barron's Being a Jane Austen Mystery series might be one of the best discoveries of the year, though. I've just read the one, but, God, it was fun. I definitely enjoy it more than regular Jane Austen books, which still feels sacrilegious to admit. I'm sorry, though. I found Pride and Prejudice to be utterly unremarkable. I'm excited to take on Emma this month, though. I'm also glad I finally really gave Ivanhoe a serious chance: so much fun! I desperately want to track down the film version now. Rebecca is easily one of my favourite characters in fiction now, and to see her via Elizabeth Taylor in her prime? Yes please!!! And I still think that, while The Lovely Bones was...well, lovely, it would have been fuck amazing if it had been written by Eugenides instead of Sebold.
Also, is it weird that I want to write updated version of the Wayside School kids? I think the idea really struck with the chapter on Paul, and the psycho-sexual aspect of his obsession with pulling on Leslie's braids...
So, any thoughts from the peanut gallery? If you made it this far? I could talk forever about books (if you couldn't tell so far, by this "blurb"), and, of course, I have the usual mega bookstore giftcards this year for the holidays, so any recommendations on what to pursue this year, gimme, gimme, gimme!
December 31st, 2009
|01:16 pm - It's not a tumor.|
So, with a new year coming, I hope to renew my attempts to be more active on LJ again. I have a few posts I actually would really like to make. One is about writing and what I'll be working on and my Twittering in a vain attempt to spark an interest in my progress in a way that doesn't require me to spend a long time typing things. Another is the annual "Books I Read" list and thoughts on them, which is always fun today.
This one isn't about either of those things, though.
This one is about cancer.
The past few days have been a whirlwind of really shocking events, starting Tuesday when we found out that Brian (that's my fiance for those of you who might not know him) had lymphoma. He went straight into the hospital for treatment and chemotherapy and came home today after an amazingly quick and painless hospital visit. As he said, this is probably the sickest he's ever been, but it was the easiest time in the hospital he's ever had. Go figure. The whole thing has an air of irony about it; the worst symptoms he seems to be having right now is a chronic case of the hiccups (which, I might add, was not included in the list of symptoms). In the last week, things have gone from relatively normal to Brian starting the new year as a cancer survivor.
It's so hard to wrap my mind around, especially since this has all taken place in all of four or five days. The most important thing is that he's fine, and, hopefully, this is the peak of the rough and jagged mountain that is Brian's Health. The next few months as he continues treatment will be quite the adjustment, but he's doing really, really well, thank goodness. I'm just glad to have him home again, and, hopefully, we can just get things back into a steady, normal schedule yet again. Just with more handwashing and being mindful of times when his blood counts drop and make him even more susceptible to infection than he already was.
Let me tell you, though, that man is quite the trooper...
December 21st, 2009
|05:04 pm - Baaaaaa.|
Oh, crapsticks. Look what I've gone and done.
What next, I ask? Returning to Facebook? What is the world coming to?
P.S. Recovering from that whole several months without a computer. Can anyone be helpful and point me the way toward LJ Login link?
December 17th, 2009
|05:31 am - Bacon soup?|
One of these days, I will somehow manage to find the time to post the deep, introspective types of things I want to clutter my LJ and your FriendsLists with, but for now? I have to express somehow that I love the following quote way, way too much:
"Anyone who tells a lie has not a pure heart, and cannot make a good soup."
--Ludwig van Beethoven
It just makes me smile every time I think about it. And I wanted to share.